WERE-TOBER EPIC 3-PART HALLOWEEN EXPARIMENT!!! expariment 8, part two: cheeky tees

have you ever gone through your favorite store, come accross a caption tee shirt and thought, dude! i've been saying that for years! why didn't i make a shirt?? or maybe you thought, wow, that is such a good idea, but no way am i gonna pay that much for a friggin' tee shirt, man! or perhapse it just struck you one day, you know, i really wanna walk around with someone else's face on my chest!

well, are you in luck! i have the solution to all your tee shirt problems right here! all you need is a fairly cheep, plain tee shirt in your size (don't go overboard for something you're just gonna alter, anyway -- or ever, really... it's a friggin' tee shirt), a hand-opperated clothing iron, an ink-jet printer, and craft store cloth decals. find all these, and you're ready to go! it's easy as one, two, three!

ONE! create your image or caption, whether on the computer or by hand, and transfer decals via ink jet printer. there are two major decal kits in circulation now: those for colored cloth, and those for non-colored cloth. (note: images for non-color decals will need to be flipped backwards)

TWO! place your decal image where you want it on your tee shirt (colored decals face up, non-colored face down -- non-color decals can be used on color shirts, but every color will be changed when against the new color, and what was white will become the actual color of the shirt) with the included parchment paper over top. press and hold hot iron to the middle of the decal for a couple seconds, then continue to the rest through feathering strokes, center to edge, for about thirty seconds.

THREE! remove parchment paper and protective contact layer. for a glossy finish, remove contact immediately (though, from personal experience, i do not suggest this to novices -- not until you've had a lot of practice), otherwise, wait until they cool to remove for satiny finish.

there you have it, a chance to declare your philosophies, rip off ideas, and cry out ot the world through disgusting displays that you are, indeed, dating this person that you are really not dating and only think you are because you are a crazy psycho. i really don't care what you do with this information, just use it!

for i am we and we are labrats and LABRATZ-R-WE!!

WERE-TOBER EPIC 3-PART HALLOWEEN EXPARIMENT!!! expariment 8, part one: mixed music

yes, you heard me! three-parter! this was my to be my last post, i had to make it last, somehow. you didn't think you'd get rid of me that easily, did ya?! anyway, expariment. today, throughout all three expariments, i will do something yet unheard of on LABRATZ-R-WE! i will provide the instructional bits myself! ta-da! now, onto mixed music!

many a cheesey film from the eighties and nineties has the little plot string of one teeenaged love interest giving another a mix tape, which proves that he/she really does love her/him. why does this tape scream "desperate for you"? because it's such a painstaking process to make a mix tape, and if you're that devoted to making this for me, how deep does your devotion run? nowadays, however, people give mix cd's, which mean slightly less than love to both giver and reciever, for the simple reason that they're so easy to make -- literally point and click!

today, i'm going to teach you how to make both a mix cd and mix tape.

starting with the cd, as it's a more "popular" medium, you will need: a blank cd, a computer with a rip/burn drive, existing cd's with songs to use, and/or an internet song download source.

step one: procure your music. you may use your computer's rip drive to take songs from existing cd's, or download them from the internet. every computer is different with its ripping procedures, and i'm still to much of a novice at downloading music to be giving advice on it.

moving on, step two: open your burn drive and apply the music you wish to have, in the order you wish to have it in. this may be done via drag and drop, or by list searches.

step three: insert your blank cd, click the icon that commences burning, and wait until the computer tells you it is finished before removing your mix cd.

it's always a good idea to immediately pop the disc into a boom box or dvd player to be sure the burn took -- not always are discs and computers compatible.

optional step of final awesomeness: cover art. some computers have cd cover art hardware that applies it directly in the tray. sometimes you can find on multifaceted scanner/printer programs a "cd" setting in the list with business cards and letterheads. you could go old school and bust out the Sharpies, careful not to let the ink interfere with the digital information on the other side. and, occasionally in craft stores, you can find print-n-peel decals that basically go on your cd like a sticker.

now, easy as the mix cd is, i still vastly prefer mix tape. it's not really as easy as step one, two, three, and could take an unlimited ammount of time to finish, depending.

if you are working with mainly music you already own, either on cd or cassette, it may not be as hard as all that. you will require a cd player with a tape deck, or a cassette player with two tape decks, or a cd/tape player with radio, or all of the above.

for an existing music source: insert blank tape to the recording deck. before you even start any music, go ahead and press record, and immediately pause it. while it is paused, insert your cd/cassette of choice, find the song you wish to record, then pause the song source there. un-pause the mix tape, then un-pause the music. stand by for the song to end, then pause your mix tape again. leave it paused as you switch out music to your next source. continue the chain, pausing between songs (not stopping, as it will create an ear-shattering popping noise on the tape that really sucks with a walkman.).

outside music source: the radio is the best place to get outside source music. always keep your mix tape inside your radio/cassette player, listen to it often, and be ready to pounce on the record button when the right song comes on. this makes the pop! between songs inevitable, but it's worth it to jump just in time to get the covetted hit. music can also be taken from television, movies, other devices, and live performances via the use of a plug-in microphone (things tend to come out garbled if this is what you end up doing it; a definate last resort).

optional awesomeness: the same microphone can be used in both instances to give an introduction to the recipient/sweetheart, or explain after a song why the song is even there. it makes it more personable, but after a few hearings, can make the listener impatient to just get to the music, already! if the tape comes with a case, one can also do a cover design, just on a piece of paper cut and folded to fit.

believe me, no matter how much easier the cd is, the effort put into a mix tape means more to the recipient, and to yourself.

for i am we and we are labrats and LABRATZ-R-WE!!!

expariment #7: how to dance

ever see the movie "dirty dancing"? well, this is "deadly dancing". i have never been a strong dancer. well, i've been strong while dancing, but not for dancing, specifically. i'm a bit of a clumsey oaf, as anyone who properly knows me should, well, know. we found this out when i was just a teeny tiny mini-me, in children's jazz ballet, where, during a spin, i bloodied three mini-dancer noses simultaneously, a fact i'm still kida proud of (i mean, three at once! one single movement! it's a move any non-powerful superhero would kill to have!) in the end, i didn't even learn the dance correctly, and went off doing my own thing in the show. made me look cute, then. when i got older, it just got me kicked out of every musical number in high school plays.

anyway, today's deal is "how to dance" from wikiHow. we will put to test the web site's claim that it can teach me to dance in eight easy steps. i'll practice at home, then put it to use in a public situation.

step 1: listen to the rhythm. no problem. too easy. i'm a writer, i got a music scholarship in college. i can do rhythm.
in private: small potatoes.
in public: ditto.

step 2: bob your head to the rhythm. yup. felt like a parrot. a dorky, white parrot.
in private: felt a bit silly, especially staring back at myself in the mirror.
in public: felt silly, because all the movies say the one bobbing their head while everyone else dances is the one with the least talent.

step 3: shift your weight between your feet.
at home: felt like a penguin.
in public: felt like a fat penguin.

step 4: move your feet.
in private: took a while to figure out that a couple inches' movement was, indeed, enough
in public: really had to look out for other people's feet.

step 5: move your hips. you know when a girl has shapeley hips, the saying "nice back porch" comes up? well mine's not so much a back porch as a mad wrecking ball with a vendetta against all humanity, just released from years of imprisonment, out for blood, silencing all who would oppose it.
in private: things were broken. practice needed to keep my surroundings intact. actually got to the point where i felt sexy and had fun with it.
in public: people were broken. practice was needed to keep my surroundings intact. actually got to the point where i almost had fun with it, and could even ignore the comments of the jerk wads behind me before i finally flipped them off and found another place to start the process over.

step 6: throw your hands in the air. ... danger! danger, will robinson!
at home: whatever was too high up to have been broken my my swaying hips was taken out by my arms and hands. ever see the children's movie "igor"? youtube that and the words "audition practice" and check out eva's grand fanale. that was me! really felt silly doing all that by myself.
in public: whoever was too high up to have been broken by my swaying hips were taken out by my arms and hands. again, check out that audition practice scene from "igor", and watch eva's grand fanale. that was me, again! really felt silly doing this around other people.

step 7: lose yourself in the music. wait, lose myself? that's what got me into this whole mess; i spent more consentration on the music and how it made me feel than the proper way to dance so that i can avoid becoming a charming murderess (naturally, darling, i'd be charming whatever i am). but i tried this step, anyway, for the sake of the labratz name.
at home: started to break things again, but with a vengance. the uprising of the mole people was called off after assuming i was the topsiders' secret weapon.
in public: violence, carnage, lawsuits were filed, and wills were penned. people were shouting their last words into the night just before i destroyed them. cyborg aliens invaded, then turned around and headed for alpha centuri after seing my deadly display.

step 8: practice dancing whenever you have the chance. .... really? .... really? ... i wouldn't subject the general public to that again for all the magical saurkraut in the land of angry lederjosen. i can do it alone, but when would i want to? and it's not like i actually plan on dancing in public again. not at weddings. not in a club. severely doubt the possibility of a house party. maybe if the cyborg aliens came back, but i really wouldn't mind a new regime of mole people... finally, people with my complexion!

final verdict: disproved wikiHow's claim of teaching someone to dance. in public. alone, okay, whatever. but to take this site's advice and use it in a social situation, i say to them, "no friggin' way, man!"

for i am we and we are labrats, and LABRATZ-R-WE!!!